RE: Fluorescent Lighting & Paper Jams

Executive Summary

This memo addresses the two most persistent sources of workplace suffering: fluorescent lighting and paper jams. Together, they form a synergy of despair that no amount of ergonomic chairs or team-building exercises can overcome.

Fluorescent Lighting: The Visible Hum

Fluorescent lights operate at a frequency of 60 Hz, creating an imperceptible flicker that your conscious mind ignores but your nervous system absolutely does not. This explains the headaches, the eye strain, and the existential dread that peaks around 3:00 PM.

The color temperature of standard fluorescent lights (4100K) was specifically chosen to be warm enough to seem humane but cool enough to prevent drowsiness. It achieves neither, instead creating a liminal luminosity that exists between comfort and productivity.

Paper Jams: The Mechanical Betrayal

Paper jams occur when the friction coefficient between paper sheets varies due to humidity, static electricity, or the printer sensing your deadline. Modern printers contain up to 50 different sensors, all of which can trigger a jam error whether paper is present or not.

Comparative Analysis

The Unified Theory

We propose that fluorescent lights and paper jams are not separate phenomena but manifestations of the same underlying office entropy. The lights drain your will; the jams test what remains. Together, they ensure that no worker ever feels fully competent or comfortable.

This is not malice. It is simply the natural order of shared workspaces, as inevitable as beige walls and passive-aggressive notes about the refrigerator.