DOCUMENT NO. ED-2024-0042 | CLASSIFICATION: PUBLIC
Introduction
Both revolving doors and census data represent humanity's attempt to manage the flow of bodies through space and time. One counts people as they enter buildings; the other counts them as they exist within nations. Both create the illusion of precision while accommodating chaos.
The Revolving Door: A Brief History
Theophilus Van Kannel patented the revolving door in 1888, reportedly because he hated holding doors open for others. His invention eliminated the social obligation while simultaneously improving building climate control. It was, perhaps, the first antisocial technology to be widely celebrated.
— Theophilus Van Kannel (probably)
The revolving door ensures continuous flow while maintaining separation between inside and outside. It is a liminal machine, a threshold that is always being crossed but never quite exists as a single moment.
Census Data: Counting the Uncountable
The United States Census has been conducted every ten years since 1790. It attempts to answer a simple question: how many people live here? The answer, it turns out, is philosophically complex. Who counts? Where is "here"? What does "live" mean?
Like the revolving door, the census captures a snapshot of continuous motion. People are born, die, immigrate, emigrate, and relocate constantly. The census pretends, for one official moment, that everyone is standing still.
Comparative Analysis
| Attribute | Revolving Doors | Census Data |
|---|---|---|
| Primary Function | Manage building entry/exit | Enumerate population |
| Frequency | Continuous | Every 10 years |
| Accuracy | 100% (you're either in or out) | ~98.3% (estimated undercount) |
| Constitutional Basis | None | Article I, Section 2 |
| Anxiety Induced | Moderate (timing the entry) | High (political implications) |
| Can You Get Stuck? | Yes, embarrassingly | Yes, in bureaucracy |
The Unified Theory of Counted Motion
Revolving doors and census data both attempt to impose order on the fundamentally chaotic movement of human beings. They are instruments of governance in the broadest sense: the door governs physical flow, the census governs political representation.
Consider: if the census were conducted like a revolving door, it would count continuously, in real-time, as people moved through designated checkpoints. If revolving doors worked like the census, they would lock in place every ten years, count everyone inside the partition, then resume movement.
Neither alternative seems desirable. Perhaps the existing systems, for all their flaws, represent a reasonable compromise between precision and practicality.
Sources: U.S. Census Bureau, International Revolving Door Federation (if it exists), various fever dreams about bureaucratic infrastructure.
Disclaimer: This document is not official government correspondence. The Department of Census Door Studies does not exist, to our knowledge.